… they truly and actually do. Ideally, we should all be able to name one person that is truly delighted to see us when we walk into a room. At least once in your life I hope someone almost tackled you because you were there and they were thrilled about that fact. It is the little things like: being told you were missed, being hugged hello, or even being included in plans to attend a baseball game; that should help you figure out you matter to someone. Here is the thing though, recently in an attempt to make myself feel better (and be more proactive about my somewhat frustrating behavior) I went to visit a friend. Now this friend and I have known each other for years and she has some interesting qualities that I often reflect upon later. This visit was of course no exception. While she and I were talking, hanging out and laughing I asked her if her current relationship had moved into the “relationship” category or if it was in fact still just a fling. A perfectly valid question, seeing as she did just move in with the fella in question. However, her answer in my opinion was perfectly inadequate! She merely said: “Well yea I guess, I mean he is cool and I like him.” Whoa!!!!!! Hold that phone! Shouldn’t you be somewhat in the love category or even serious if you are moving in with someone? Especially if that includes moving to a new state? Just making a small suggestion…. When I pushed further and asked if they even said “I love you”, she responded with “Of course.” I honestly wasn’t buying it, what was really happening here? As she and I continued talking I slowly figured it out. She is more comfortable being with him and living there than with being with herself. Perhaps one of the more obvious realizations I have ever come to.
This revelation was confirmed throughout our evening. First with a few hot topics that we were not supposed to discuss in front of the guy in question. Important ones – like ex-s, debt, money and even jobs (or work). Here is the thing shouldn’t you be able to have those conversations with someone you are in a relationship with? Like a hot topic – I get that – for example y’all just had a fight about whatever the issue is, and we are not to discuss it because you haven’t dealt with it. That I get, a hot topic like that is entirely different than just in general not being able to discuss a list of things with your “significant” other. Especially things with such gravity and substance as the ones she was giving me. Trust matters, at least to the extent that you can discuss that reality of your life with the person you are choosing to spend it with.
The other thing I noticed was how the two interacted with each other. He very obviously wants to be married eventually, and very much wants a traditional woman to be his housewife. This was evident by how he referred to religion and his face when he came in and dinner wasn’t ready. My friend – not so much the traditional type and has been wholeheartedly against marriage ever since I can remember. Don’t get me wrong when push comes to shove she can be very nurturing and somewhat Suzy Homemaker, but when push comes to shove isn’t something that you vow at a wedding forever. His face when she made a comment about religion I have heard her make off handedly for years, was not one of agreement nor approval, add that to the list that we do not discuss. After all of this do I think she and he will be walking down the aisle and saying their vows of love in front of those that have helped shape them? Not a chance – furthermore I am not convinced she does not think they will either.
Like Mr. Beardsley said, “It isn’t going to bed with a man that proves you are in love with him it is the getting up and facing everyday with him that does.” If I was in a relationship with as many hot topics as this one I’d really just rather be alone. Because if you can’t be yourself with the someone that you miraculously found to put up with you how can you possibly be with them for any length of time? Eventually the mask has to come off. It is just the way time works out. You should be able to walk into a room and feel those warm fuzzies in your belly, the butterflies that make you happy and the joy of just being able to say hello. In my experience every relationship that is successful has them. They obviously matter and allow you to be yourself around that person.
Love this. Glad you’re posting again.